What the fuck is that

People always say “biscuit is just what Americans call scones” but every British scone I’ve had is dense and thick, is that normal? Salty buttery American dinner biscuits are meant to be as light as a cloud. A good one should almost melt like cotton candy in your mouth.

You should say British instead of European because there's other languages here besides English.

TOP TEN DINOSAURUSES

maybe you're wondering my most tenned favorite dinosauruses??? The science study of dinasacacers is called "dinosaurusology" by leading experts like myself, and it is constantly changing as we make new uncoveries almost every tuesday when we find new bones in my cousin rob's garage (he hasn't thrown anything out since the 90's!) As such bear in mind that up to two facts I am about to share could become dated over the course of the next century, however as both the king and queen of science this will only be true if I'm still available to approve the new facts. If I'm dead or kind of tired then nobody will ever know what's true anymore so you should be nice to me. #10: OVIRAPTOR

OVIRAPTOR was a good model for what all dinosacans were like: it was a wrinkly lizard that slithered in filthy dirt and had difficulty standing upright because its bones were made of rocks. This is why we have the term "the stone age," so be grateful you're living in "the bone age!" Oviraptor's name means "eggs velociraptor" because it was a kind of velociraptor that stole eggs. It didn't know what to do with them because nobody invented cooking yet and raw dinosaur eggs were disgusting, so every oviraptor starved to death.

#9: IGUANADON

This was the last known photograph of IGUANA DON (not to be confused with his cousin iguana dan) when george washington invented photographs 2 million years ago. Don was an ugly disgusting hilarious lizard monster with one horn on its nose and he died because he evolved a dining room in his torso exactly the right size for 21 cavemen to walk in and eat his kidneys. This was not helped by don's instinct to sleep on a big porch under a chandelier.

#9 DIMETRODON

DIMETRODON was the most common dinosaur of jurassic, which was the fifth and final era of dinosaurs after the ice age but before the ediacaran. In fact dimetrodon was the very last dinosaur to ever exist on earth before they were all eaten to death by the ediacaran's dominant predator: a species of swirly looking weird rock. Nobody knows why these swirly looking weird rocks died out, but it's most likely because dimetrodon was so poisonous from its diet of entirely pufferfish. You can tell it was a sea dinosaur because of its fish fin! #8: PTERADACTYL

PTERODACTYL was a regular dinosaur until it got married to a species of bat and its bat wife laid a bunch of pterodactyl eggs! This woodcut is however inaccurate: flying would not be invented until president obama discovered the first airplane in 1998, so pterodactyl couldn't possibly have stayed in the air and just immediately fell. The long 900 million year reign of the pterodactyl abruptly ended when the last one finally hit the ground (it took longer in those days because the oxygen disaster made so much more air) #7 SNORKASAURUS

SNORKASAURUS was completely unique among all dinocaurs by having a really long neck. It was one of the largest creatures to ever roam the earth at over 7 feet tall, or exactly 12 meters to those of you living in Liberia or Myanmar! This is the last known photograph of snorkasaurus, giving birth to the first cavemen. Snorkasaurus went extinct because all of them did this instead of making baby snorkasauruses. This is because like all dinosaurii they had only a tiny peanut for a brain, and nobody was around to give them 'the talk' because that wasn't invented yet.

#6 SMILODON

SMILODON was a very special dinosaurn because it was the first one to stand up on its hind legs after years of rigorous exercise and weight training. By inventing this new way of walking, Smilodon made it possible for the first monkeys to evolve! This is called "convergent" evolution.

#5 BULBASAUR

BULBASAUR was a majestic and beautiful species of neopet unfortunately disliked by the scientific community because it is the reason there are no flying dinosuars. Bulbasaur was the first ever flying dyanasar ever invented, 19 billion years ago on September 10, 2001, but the project was discontinued when its first test flight ended in a tragic accident. That's right: on September 11, 2001, Bulbasaur crashed into the stock market, causing the great depression that lead to the civil war :'( now to this very day, flying dinosarers are against the law.

#4 YOSHI

YOSHI is a type of dinersaulophus called a "bird," which was actually the second attempt by early neanderthal alchemists to manufacture a street legal flying dinnersauran, but the New Zealand government realized if dinophlofbuses can fly, then bats would no longer be special, and since bats are New Zealand's only major export it would have been an economic disaster. The queen of Australia (New Zealand's largest city) ordered the CIA to sand all of the wings off of these early prototype birds. Every bird tragically went extinct when it looked down, noticed how high up it was and remembered it could not fly, activating the effects of Earth's gravitational field.

#3 ANOMALOCARIS

ANOMALOCARIS was the dinosorcerous that discovered the first primitive cave painting of a modern day crab and invented carcinisation. All the other dinanders laughed at Anomalocaris for wanting to turn into a crab, but guess what??? Every single kind of dinosaur is dead but there's a crab still alive at 29, making it the oldest person in the world. Who's FUCKING laughing now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2 EARL SINCLAIR

This is the last known photograph of Earl Sinclair, seen here as an uncredited extra in "Avatar 3: Lost in New York." Earl Sinclair was a sindonaur species that could disguise itself as a human by putting on sunglasses, a necessary adaptation in order to hide from the largest predator dancasore to ever live: Mellisuga helenae. However, near the end of the coal age, M. Helenae finally remembered that sunglasses hadn't even been invented yet. Look carefully, and you'll notice nobody is wearing sunglasses at all in this scene, making Earl Sinclair stick out like a sore thumb! If you're still having difficulty, here's a zoomed in image of this majestic thunder lizard:

Unfortunately......this wardrobe malfunction made Mr. Sinclair just as obvious to his ancient enemy, and the last Earl Sinclair's brains were sucked out on September 11, 2001, the darkest day in British history because he was the only one who knew the recipe to chicken mcnuggets (the only british food.) To this day all british people are extinct but you can still see their fossilized skeletons waiting in line at the department of motor vehicles.

#1 CONCAVENATOR

Concavenator was an Early Cretaceous carcharodontosaurid up to six meters in length with an unusual pointed crest on its back.

I have no memory of writing this post! I used to know so much about dinotrucks, what happened

the fact that Jeaney Collects on youtube has been reading this and everyone is getting progressively more hype each episode has me so excited for the finalie.

I have no idea who that is, is that why this got more notes on it suddenly? Am I actually credited?? 😧

Love that Oviraptor. And yes, you're credited in the video description, but not in the video itself.

I-I'm sorry but I can't stop thinking about this

My roommate just called from the kitchen to ask what was wrong because I laughed so hard I gave myself a coughing fit.

I'm so glad the music is what I thought it'd be.

I love that the nature of humanity is to repeat itself

US Elevation

The america they don’t want you to see

We have to do something about the distances

Dicynodont stonks 📈

omg so yesterday i put a salt line on the pathway to our front door because i was fucking around and my brother was pretending to be a demon

and today we ordered pizza and the salt line was still there

and my brother went outside to sign for the pizza

and the pizzaman refused to step over the salt line, like he almost did and then he backed up and handed my bro the pizza and left; which is pretty ridiculous because it’s far from our door

so a heads up to everyone i’m pretty sure domino’s is actually run by demons??? kind of like how in men in black the post office is run by aliens

demono

((”Not just pizza”))

((”but eternal damnation”))

Alternate theory: It wasn’t that the pizza guy couldn’t cross the line of salt himself.

He just saw the line of salt and assumed that it was the only thing keeping you and your brother in, and he didn’t want nothing to do with your demon asses

Alternate alternate theory: pizza man is a slug.

Alternate alternate alternate: Demons would dry up if they crossed the line of salt

pokemon is about siccing your dog on a creature that is intrinsically, biologically, a baby mime

pokemon is about an act your dog can perform on someone else’s dog, which sports announcers and scientists alike are calling “gunk shot”

My knowledge of superhero comics isn't deep so much as it is frustratingly eclectic. Like, I might well completely fail to recognise a character who's been a regular member of the X-Men for thirty years, but if you need somebody to explain from unprompted memory the complete plot of Spanner's Galaxy, I'm your guy.

Can I explain the particulars of the latest retcon to Superman's origin story? No. Can I explain the particulars of how, in the Archie Comics continuity, Adolf Hitler's suicide by gunshot in April of 1945 was canonically caused by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Yes, I can.

Would you be willing to explain this one please

I'll try to keep this short, so:

The Archie Comics Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles continuity posits an "original" timeline in which Hitler did not commit suicide by gunshot, but rather, killed himself in some way that left his brain intact, allowing it to be retrieved and preserved by Nazi scientists. Decades later, the brain winds up in Shredder's hands, who uses it to power a time machine stolen from an alt-future version of Donatello. (Note: this is actually much more complicated than I'm making it sound!)

When future!Donatello recovers the time machine, he's unaware that Hitler's brain has been installed in it, and unwittingly revives it while attempting to reverse Shredder's tampering. The brain instinctively transports itself back to Nazi Germany, where it constructs a robot body and allies with its past self. The Turtles subsequently go after it, and end up fighting both original-flavour Hitler and Hitler's robot brain.

Fast-forwarding past a lot of unhinged bullshit, we arrive at the future!Turtles in a standoff with original!Hitler. Robot!Hitler has been defeated, and the portal back to the future!Turtles' time period will soon close for good. However, original!Hitler has them at gunpoint; they don't have time to fight him before the portal closes, and if they ignore him and attempt to leave, he'll simply shoot them in the back.

Thinking fast, future!Leonardo gaslights Hitler into believing that he's already dead and in Hell, and that the Turtles are demons who've come to steal his brain. Hitler panics and shoots himself in the head, thereby establishing the timeline of our world in which he committed suicide by gunshot. Owing to the confused nature of subsequent events, it's genuinely unclear whether or not this causes a time paradox.

Clear as mud?

#All of this tracks with what I know of the Ninja Turtles #Fun fact: the original comic had Splinter raise them as child soldiers to kill Shredder and get revenge for the death of Splinter's owner #The turtles give Shredder the option to commit ritual suicide bue he refuses and throws a grenade at them #They knock it back at him and it kills him #Shredder dies in issue 1 and the turtles announce that they avenged Hamato Yoshi #Later Shredder comes back as a clone made of worms (via @theamazingmrcat)

No, that's the really funny part. All this would make some sense if it was situated within the Eastman and Laird continuity. It is not; the Archie Comics TMNT is explicitly a spin-off of the 1987 Saturday morning cartoon adaptation (though its events are not recognised as part of that continuity's canon for, uh, tolerably obvious reasons). I need you to picture that version of the Turtles – or their post-climate-apocalyse future selves, anyway; like I said, it's complicated – doing all this.

I've never read any Archie comics, but reading this, Riverdale makes much more sense now

Barnevelder oc that's been in my wips forever

This is honest to god the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life

This 1️⃣ goes out to all the horny 💏 couples out there who are thinking 🤔 of getting rowdy 🔞 this 💌Valentines💮 day evening: 👍 👎DO ❌️ NOT👍 👎 If you do your child 🧒 will be born 👏 a ♏SCORPIO♏ Now, why ❓️ don’t ❌️ we like Scorpio's♏? For starters, “Scorpio” has 7️⃣ letters 🔠. 7️⃣ letters 🔠: 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins ✝️ 🙅‍♀ Now, what are the 7️⃣ deadly ☠️ sins? Wrath, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy 👏👏 Envy is associated with the color GREEN 💚 What else is green 💚? Marijuana. Just 1️⃣ more pothead in the world 🗺️. LAME. Now where is pot 🍲 legal? Canada 🇨🇦, Washington, Colorado, Oregon, Alaska, airplane ✈️ bathrooms if the pilot’s 👨‍✈️ chill. And where can 🥫 planes ✈️ take you? California 🕶. And what’s on California’s state flag 🚩? A BEAR 🐻. Your child 🧒. Is gay 👨‍❤️‍👨.

The execution is like slam poetry but the content is clearly a shitpost and that’s def the most powerful combination I’ve encountered in a while

I know this isn't ninjago guys but I finished this 17 hour painting for my art class and I was proud of it so...enjoy.

I love Egypt fun fact about me. :)

A PAINTING????

obligatory

SCROLL BACK IT'S ART

Based on this.

Joker without makeup .

thats really disrespectful.. he was clearly injured in some sort of way may it be war or what have you, he is probably so depressed his face is scarred like this, he has to wake up everyday seeing this his own face, why would you make fun of him like this? fuck off. 

^

 seriously, anyone who would make fun of this is just fucked up. i actually think he’s still more attractive than like half the guys out there, even with his face like this

 you guys do realize that this literally is the joker without makeup? this is heath ledger in The Dark Knight, in a scene where he’s hiding in a group of policemen.

oh thats awkward

date of origin: 2012

omg the original..

@hellsite-hall-of-fame